I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
