Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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