If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
