I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
