I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize