Apparently you make a good broom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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