Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
