Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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