I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
