Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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