No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
