WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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