Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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