you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
