: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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