my mouth tastes like poor choices
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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