y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
