Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize