I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
