pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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