I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Green mimosas i think yes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Someone signed my nipple.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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