When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
