Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize