I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i drank out of a bidet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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