I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
