So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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