dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
