god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
