similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize