he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
