I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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