Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
