For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
