The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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