i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
