The maid of honor just puked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
