I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
