I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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