Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
