I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
