just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
