census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize