census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
