hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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