Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
