i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
