Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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