I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize