thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
