thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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