My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Less talking, more tequila
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
