We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Someone signed my nipple.
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