toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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