it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize