I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
