I think I won the penis lottery.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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