dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
