I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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