I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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