So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
