he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
