Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
how drunk are you?
Several
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize