Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love having hate sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
