all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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