There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
