Cold hands, warm shart.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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