ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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