my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
