Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
