Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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