if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
