Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
