It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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