This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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