i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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