I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're too hungover to prance.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
