And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
