I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
