Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
