how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
