Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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