I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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