Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
