it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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