I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
