So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
