Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
