just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
