Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
