dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
