Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
