she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
