You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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