we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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