Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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