so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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