it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
