i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
