so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
