accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize