my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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