She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
