Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize