I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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