Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
