Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
