Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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