Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize