Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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