I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
