I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
