Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
