True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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