sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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