I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
