so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
