My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
