Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
