Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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